But....I'm Still Tired

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. This all important, powerful passage of scripture comes from the Bible in Galatians 6:9. I believe this because I believe the Word of God. I believe in the power of God. His grace and mercy is beyond my finite comprehension. But…I’m still tired.
I’m not so much tired of doing good by others, but I’m tired of waiting to reap my harvest. And to be totally honest, I guess I do get tired of doing good by others, of being the ‘nice person, the ‘giving person’, the understanding person’. I’m just telling you how it is. I won’t lie about it. Is it wrong to feel tired when God is blessing me with life? Is it wrong to be tired when there are so many people who would love to be in my shoes? Is it wrong for me to still be tired when there is so much calamity and mayhem in the world, yet I am safe and my family is safe, and I am included as one of God’s children? Is it wrong of me to be tired even though I’m an heir and a joint heir to the kingdom of God and He adopted me because He loves me?

Sometimes I wonder if I’m overlooking my harvest. Maybe it’s already arrived. After all, I am still living. I do still have the faculties of my mind. I am blessed with plenty of people who love me. I am blessed with sons and grandsons who have a reasonable portion of health and strength. Even I have a reasonable portion of health and strength. I am blessed to have seen many of the desires of my heart come into fruition. So, why do I still feel Tired? After all that God has done for me, after all of the prayers He’s heard and answered, after all of the trials and tribulations He has brought me through and seen me through….But…I’m still tired.

I’m tired but I keep pressing forward. There are days and times such as this when I know I’m not living up to my full potential. I feel drained. I feel sometimes like giving up, yet I keep encouraging others to Stand when I can barely sit up straight in my spirit. I have to share this with you because as a human being with feelings and emotions, I get weary. It’s one of those weary times for me. But even in my weariness, I thank God that He never leaves me or forsakes me. Even during this But…I’m Still Tired time of my life, I thank God that He doesn’t get tired. I thank God that His mercies are new and fresh every morning. I thank Him because He understands my thoughts, my struggles. Even when things happen that, to me, just don’t make any sense, God sees all and knows all. Even when times are hard and every single thing seems to fall apart bit by bit, I know God has a plan for my life. Even when one thing goes right and three things immediately go wrong.

God says that His plans are not to harm me, but they are for my good to give me hope and a future. Hope and a future, good plans, good gifts, good results, goodness and mercy. Today, I’m tired but even in Ecclesiastes the writer King Solomon says, “the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.” – Ecclesiastes 9:11 KJV

In light of what the great King Solomon says, and knowing what a mighty God I serve, and though I am still tired, I will keep pressing on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling me.

Still God's Girl, Shelia

The Dreamer

In the words of President Obama, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”

And so I dare to dream. I dare to dream of change. I am the dreamer, the author, the writer, the speaker, the path setter, the road less traveled, and the called according to His purpose. I am special, unique, divinely created to be Shelia. No one can write like me. No one can speak like me. No one can do those things God has called me to do. There is no one else like me. I am a dreamer who dares to believe in my talents, my gifts, my hopes, my aspirations and that I can have the desires of my heart.

The word, Dreamer is defined as a person who dreams. A person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic. A person whose ideas or projects are considered audacious or highly speculative; visionary.

That defines me exactly. It denotes who I am. I AM that audacious, impractical, highly speculative and unrealistic visionary. I am that person who dares to dream, who dares to have visions of greatness. I am that person who looks beyond the situations and circumstances that life offers me and reaches for more. I am that dreamer. My words are more than words that burst forth from an overflowing spirit of greatness given me by my Father who art in Heaven. The words that escape from my belly, that are birthed in my spirit, that saturate my mind, my thought processes and travels down my arms into my pointed scrawny fingers, yield captivating power from pen to paper. I am that dreamer that through the blood, sweat and tears of my ancestors. Through the blood, sweat and tears of my parents, my sisters, and my relatives fought for my right to be treated equally. I don’t have to look back to the great martyrs like Harriet, Rosa, Martin, Malcolm or Medgar. I only need look within my household.

I only need look at the struggles of a mother who worked long hours as a maid on bended knees scrubbing floors. I only need look at my father who lost both legs fighting a war that when it was over, he still was treated as less than the hero he was. I only need look at my sisters who marched along Martin in Memphis, next to sanitation workers who screamed I Am A Man. I come from the belly of struggles. I come from the belly of dreamers who dared to believe. I come from the bellies of faith that dared to trust in God my Father. I belong to God who chose to adopt me into His eternal kingdom. I come from the lineage of David, the man after God’s own heart. I come from the pits of cruelty, stares and glares that make me strong and keep my head raised high. I am a dreamer.

You ask me why I am a dreamer? You ask me why I tell my sons and grandsons and you and every one whose path crosses mine to live your dreams now! If we don’t dare to live what God has purposed in our hearts to live, to do, to seek, to pursue then why are we here? This world is predicated, made up of, rooted, and grounded on dreams dreamed by a dreamer and brought from dreamality to reality.

What if Malcolm had not been a dreamer? And supposed Martin had not been a dreamer? Then there’s Harriet who dared to dream about freedom. There’s Rosa who dared dream about a place to rest among those whose skin color lacked pigmentation and therefore considered themselves higher and mightier. What if? What if President Obama had not dared to be a dreamer? Then what? I am a dreamer! I write. I will succeed. I will thrive. I refuse to merely survive. And so I write. And so I speak. And so I strive. And so I move forward to that which I have embedded in my spirit, my soul, my flesh, my thoughts. I am a New York Times Bestselling Author. I am the owner of one of the world’s largest nonprofit organization that teaches people to go after, run down, and chase after their heart’s desires and their dreams. I am a most sought after speaker. I am beautiful despite the limps and the frailties that polio has ravaged on my body. I am lovely despite the hardships of life that try to keep me down. I am mighty despite that ole sly devil trying to trick and trap me. The fruit of my womb is blessed because I am the child of the most high King. My words, given to me by a God who loves himself some Shelia changes lives and prick hearts, causing people to look at themselves and see what they are really made of.

I dare to believe the words of God that say if I fully obey His commandments that I will be above and not beneath. I will be the head and not the tail. I will be blessed going in and going out. The fruit of my womb will be blessed. I am a dreamer who dares to believe that the race is not given to the swift but to him that endures to the end. I am the dreamer that writes perfect stories about imperfect people who overcome tremendous odds because they dare to believe.

My vision will happen at the appointed time. It hurries toward its goal. It won't be a lie. If it's delayed, I will wait for it. It will certainly happen. It won't be late. Yes, I am a dreamer. My vision will burst forth. It will not be kept back, it shall appear. What about you - are you a dreamer?